James, could we sit here for a few minutes and share some feelings?" "Sure, Dad. What's on your mind?" "Well, it's about your grades. Do you remember how much you wanted a computer and how you said it would bring up your grades? And that you would study harder if we would buy a computer for you? Well, you got your computer and printer, but I noticed your grades for last quarter--two Cs, 3 Ds, and one F. I am really disappointed! With grades like this you could never get into a good college. What do you have to say?" "I'm sorry, Dad. I'm ashamed of those grades, too. I just can't say 'No' to my friends who want me to go places with them when I know I should study." "James, we have not monitored your grades as we should have and we are sorry. From now on it's going to be different. Beginning now there will be penalties for irresponsibility. You are grounded for two weeks--no dates, no games, no TV, and no car privileges."

The problem: James' parents were too lenient. They had lectured, bribed, and plead with him to study but to no avail. "Parents who yell the loudest about responsibility seem to have the most irresponsible kids." Foster Cline, M.D. and Jim Fay, --, pp. 31, 32. James needed tough love and a tight reign on responsibility from early childhood. Irresponsible behavior must have appropriate consequences. And, of course, affirmation and reward for marked improvement.

It is a fact that responsibility is "better caught than taught." Jane, age 12, was a very stubborn headstrong child. Her mother noticed from the weather report that the next morning the temperature was to be about 20 degrees. She casually mentioned the fact to Jane. As she was dressing the next morning, Mother said, "Your big coat will feel good this morning." "Thanks, Mom, but I can handle my own clothes." Jane slipped on her light jacket as usual and stepped out of doors. Mother wisely said nothing more. By the time Jane had reached her bus stop she was shivering from the freezing wind. Jane said to herself, -- Jane was gradually learning responsibility-- by natural consequences.

"Sylvia has eight kids. Every time I (Jim) visit her house, I see her handing out money to the kids. One day I asked, 'What is this with you dishing out money all the time?'

'We give our kids loans in the household because they're learning about the world of finance,' Sylvia answered while handing fifty cents to a small boy. 'Our loans are just like those at the First National Bank, with due dates, promissory notes, and collateral. Why, the other day I repossessed a twenty-nine dollar tape recorder.'

'Must have been sad for the kid,' I said. 'Not really,' Sylvia replied. 'That's a gift to him because now my son, who's only ten years old, knows all about the responsibility of paying back his loans. He knows all about promissory notes and collateral, and even repossession--and it only cost him a twenty-nine-dollar tape recorder.

'The neighbor kid,' Sylvia continued, 'learned the same lesson when the bank came and repossessed his $4,900 Camaro. He's twenty-six, but his parents protected him when he was young. My son has a sixteen-year head start on the guy.'"

It was during the depression. My father was unable to pay my tuition at Laurelwood Academy. "Perhaps you can earn some money with the truck," he said. I was delighted. I decided to buy and sell cord wood. Soon I had a thriving business going. I took good care of the truck, drove slowly because I wanted the truck to last. I learned to drum up business and to negotiate with customers. I learned responsibility and developed a healthy self-worth. It all started with trust placed in me by my father. "Lead the youth to feel that they are trusted, and there are few who will not seek to prove themselves worthy of the trust."--, p. 158.

Responsibilities, of course, should be appropriate for age and experience. Be sure to affirm responsible behavior. "Joe, I watched you carry your glass of milk. You were so careful. Thank you very much!"

A responsible person keeps his word, finishes what he starts, is punctual, thorough, dependable, honest, and persistent. And he will do his best. An irresponsible person is crippled--no matter how intelligent he is. "Moses...was faithful" (Heb. 3:5), Daniel "was faithful, neither was there any error or fault found in him" (Dan. 6:4), and "God is faithful" (1 Cor. 10:13). Jesus said, "Thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things..." (Matt. 25:21).

Teaching children to be responsible is a long process. You must begin when they are very young. Give clear directions. Reward good behavior. Spell out appropriate consequences for irresponsible behavior. Be kind, firm, and consistent. And your reward as a parent will be the satisfaction of helping your children grow into true Christian maturity.