"Is Larry hyperactive? He is always running, jumping, climbing --he can't seem to sit still for even five minutes." "Well Joan," I responded. "How old is he?" "He is four years old," Joan replied. "It may be your expectations are unrealistic for this age," I said. One teacher of four-year-old boys said, "God put the wiggles in their legs and if you fight the wiggles, you're fighting God." Though exaggerated, there may be some truth to this statement. Plan quiet times for wiggly children. "Come, Johnny, let's sit here on the sofa and enjoy a story before bedtime."

Muscles in the legs of a four-year-old need exercise and lots of it. Individual differences are governed by many things--congenital temperaments, birth order, environment, etc. Parents should provide their children time and places where their energy can be used--exercise bars, balls, swings, tricycles, etc. "The gradual development of the plant from the seed is an object lesson in child training. There is 'first the blade, then the ear, after that the full corn in the ear.' Mark 4:28." Child Guidance, pp. 27, 28.

Let's look at the journey. Erik H. Erikson, gives us a good model of child development.

0 - 18 Months: The learning goal here is Basic Trust and the danger is Mistrust. "Will I be loved, held, fed; will my needs be met?" This is the question in every infant's little heart and mind. "The quality of the maternal relationship" is vital, according to Erikson. (Childhood and Society, p. 249.) Mother A likes to watch soap operas as she nurses little Sarah. She holds her like a sack of potatoes. Mother B enjoys rocking Martha as she nurses and sings to her. Do these babies know the difference? Of course, they do. Basic trust learned at this age is the foundation for a later trust in God. (See Erikson, p. 250.)

18 - 36 Months: The goal for this age level is Autonomy and the danger is Shame and Doubt. "No," from a two-year-old boy exasperates parents, but it is a healthy expression for a child this age. Absolute obedience is vital. Bend the will, but don't break it. Find a balance between independence and control. Encourage experimentation and exploration. Control firmly but with much assurance. "Bed NOW, Karen! Put your pajamas on and I will come in and tell you a story."

3 - 7 Years: The goal for this age-level is Initiative and a Sense of Purpose. The danger is a Feeling of Guilt. Encourage exploring. Children at this age are eager and able. Remember, "Play is their work." Your best nurturing device is a story. Give small responsibilities. Insist on absolute obedience. Be firm but kind. Use lots of conversation and tell stories that teach the value of obedience.

7 - 12 Years: The goal for this period of life is Industry and a Sense of competence. The danger is a Feeling of Inadequacy or Inferiority. Beware of competition. Encourage excellence for its own sake. Give responsibilities. Help them learn to enjoy work by working with them. Provide lots of encouragement and affirmation. Help them to identify their natural strengths. Again, discipline is very vital. Use the principle of logical consequences for disobedience.

12 - 18 Years: The goal for this stage of development is A Positive Identity. The danger is Role Confusion and a Negative Identity (Rock stars). Help them select positive role models: Jesus, Joseph, Mother Teresa, etc. Listen to them and help them "vocalize their confusion." Work and pray for their conversion. Help them identify and develop their natural aptitudes. Encourage commitment to a positive value system. Help them build a sense of self-worth. Discipline must be firm, but kind. Help them deal with their sexuality and view the beauty of marriage as God's plan for His children. (See also R. C. Sprinthall and N. A. Sprinthall, Educational Psychology: A Developmental Approach.)

Each of the above stages presents a crisis. Will the goals be achieved or will they fall by the wayside? Understanding these goals for the various stages of development will help you to be realistic in your expectations. Someone has aptly described child development: The "wonder years--2 to 6, the blunder years--7 to 12, and the thunder years--13 to 18."

God's expectation for all of us is mingled with much grace. He takes us where we are and gives us time, encouragement, and counsel. Let God's patience with you as a parent, help you to have patience with your children. Remember, God is your helper. Pray daily, earnestly, for wisdom, kindness, and firmness.