Character Development: Our Biggest Challenge

What is the most beautiful thing on earth to God? No, it is not a gorgeous sunrise, or sunset, or the face of a child. It is a beautiful character. "...The unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight" 1 Peter 3:4, NIV. And this is the only treasure that we can take to heaven.

Our biggest challenge, then, as parents, is to help our children develop a character that will be pleasing to God. "No higher work was ever committed to mortals than the shaping of character." Child Guidance, p. 163.

What is character? The dictionary defines it: "Moral firmness, self control, integrity...(the) special way in which any person thinks and acts..." "True character is a quality of the soul, revealing itself in the conduct." Ibid, p. 161. Mother used to say: "Character is what you are when no one is looking."

Character is made up of many things: integrity, truthfulness, honesty, purity, thoughtfulness, thankfulness, generosity, love, sharing, helpfulness, responsibility, thoroughness, determination--the list could go on and on.

RESPONSIBILITY: When I was about 14 years old, my Dad said, "Charles, your job this fall and from now on will be to fix the leaks in the glass of the greenhouse. If we don't fix things up, water will rot the wood that supports the glass. You have a very important job and I am depending on you. This is how it's done." Then he took the tar gun and showed me exactly what to do. I did my best and I got the job done in about three weeks. Parents, give children regular tasks and impress them with the value of the job. Children learn responsibility by being given responsibility. Let them know that their work is important; that you are depending on them. Then express appreciation for a job well done. Your children will surprise you and develop responsibility. Dr. Hiam Ginott says:"...it is important to determine what specific responsibilities to give to children at different levels of maturity." Between Parent and Child, p. 86. It is, also, important to give the child a voice as we assign responsibilities.

THANKFULNESS: My mother gave us a beautiful example of thankfulness. We listened to her prayers of thanksgiving at meal time three times a day. They were beautiful and simple prayers of gratitude. Then at family worship there was always a litany of things that she was thankful for. When we did our work, she thanked us for our efforts. When I would complain about my clothes being worn or tattered she would say, "Now, be thankful for what you have. There are many people in the world that would appreciate having a warm jacket like you have."

HELPFULNESS AND GENEROSITY: Talk about the suffering and inequities in the world. And touch other lives with helpfulness and generosity. I recall a poor family that lived in our neighborhood. Mother would often gather up things she knew they needed--clothes, food, toys, dishes, and take them to the family. Often she took one of us children with her so we could experience the joy of sharing. Ask your children to go through their closets and select clothes and toys that are not needed. Take them to your Welfare Center or to the Salvation Army. This would be especially appropriate at Christmas time. The joy experienced in sharing is much better than giving lectures on generosity.

PURITY: How can we raise moral kids in an immoral and corrupt world? Well, with careful thought, planning, and much prayer, it is possible. First, provide the right example. Practice modesty. Discuss with your children the reason WHY God clothed Adam and Eve. When the body is clothed modestly, we come through as persons not as sexual objects. Curiosity about the human body comes naturally at two to three years of age. Answer questions factually and openly without embarrassment. Explain human reproduction. Their questions will give you a clue as to what they are ready to learn. Bible stories provide a marvelous opportunity for teaching purity. Contrast the lives of Joseph and Sampson. Guard their associations. Always be aware of where your children are and what they are doing. Television and the Internet can corrupt. Surveillance is the key. Instruct them in the principles of moral purity.

"Character does not come by chance. It is not determined by one outburst of temper, one step in the wrong direction. It is the repetition of the act that causes it to become habit, and molds the character either for good or for evil...In our character building we must build on Christ. He is the sure foundation--a foundation which can never be moved. The tempest of temptation and trial cannot move the building which is riveted to the Eternal Rock." Child Guidance, pp. 164, 166.