Revised 2004

"You wouldn't believe the work I have to do."

That caught my attention. And my concern grew when I heard my 11-year-old son--who was speaking to a friend on the phone--begin to list all the chores I'd given him to do around the house.

"I have to make my bed, pick up my clothes, set the table, vacuum the living . . ."

And then I realized--my son wasn't complaining. He was boasting!

Choosing Chores: As I learned from listening to my son, one of the best gifts we can give a child is a job to do around the house. Chores can help children gain self-esteem, give them a sense of responsibility, and let them know that they are both needed and appreciated. Here are some things to look for in a good chore:

It has a beginning. Simply telling a child to "clean your room" can be a frustrating experience--for both of you! One reason is that a child often has trouble knowing where to begin a big job. Try telling your child to "make your bed first. Next stack your toys in the closet. Then dust." That way, they know where to start.

It has an end. Another problem with simply telling a child to "clean your room"--it's hard to know just when the room is "cleaned"! When everything shines? Or, when the worst of the mess has been shoved under the bed?

Then too, a big job like this is apt to leave a child feeling overwhelmed; a job that's beyond your child's ability--physically or mentally--will cause frustration and failure.

So observe your child and trust your instincts. And remember-- chores are only part of a child's life. If a chore takes so much time that homework and other necessary activities are being sacrificed, it needs to be cut back or dropped.

Give him or her a simple, written recipe that leaves no room for guessing. A beginner needs the security of exactness.

In fact, any chore that requires a great deal of judgment (or continual supervision) is probably not a good one. A child should "own" his or her chore and be able to do it alone, without fear of harm or failure.

It is useful. A child may be more willing to do a job when he or she sees a reason for it. The more important the job is to you, the more needed your child will feel. Suggest possible chores. Listen closely to his or her suggestions and comments.

If you have more than one child, of course, fairness is an immediate concern. Rotating jobs so everyone shares the chores equally is one way to be fair.

Once you've agreed on what's to be done, it is important that you show your child how.

Teach first. Take enough time and be patient. Perform the task with him or her; model it until he or she understands it.

Supervise. Don't hover, but be observant.

Expect the best. Be realistic, but expect good work.

Let him or her own the chore. Consistent with your standards, let him or her do the chore his or her own way. Decision making is learned through trial and error; allow your child to succeed or fail alone.

Give reasonable deadlines. Your child needs time to fit the chore into his or her life. As much as possible, avoid the words, right now. (Adapted from Freida Gad, Signs of the Times, June, 1993.)

A Time Together­Parent and Child: The car needs cleaning so supply your child with a large sponge and a bucket of suds. To avoid toxic cleaning ingredients, mix a tablespoon of liquid laundry detergent in warm water and wash the car together. Your child will love "'working on the car'--trespassing into the adult world with one of her favorite guides at her side." Mary Beth Lewis, Child, Mar 1993. For washing windows mix a tablespoon of white vinegar with a pint of warm water and add a teaspoon of liquid dish detergent. The kids will enjoy crumpling newspaper for drying the windows.

"Planting and tending a garden with your children not only promotes family togetherness, but engages their curiosity about nature. What other activity teaches kids about botany and biology--while letting them get delightfully dirty? . . . [Helen BeVier adds], 'Let children grow what they like to eat. Choose seeds that are easy to grow and quick to germinate.'" Valerie L. Gray, "Earthly Delights," Woman's Day, May 16, 1995.

Tips To Remember:

It is important that your child has a small plot of land or several containers that he/she can call his/her own and be responsible for.

Supply some basic child-sized metal garden tools they can call their own--a shovel, trowel and a hoe.

"Choose plants that are hardy and grow quickly. . . .ask at your local garden center." Amy E. M. Kefauver, Scholastic Parent & Child, Mar-Apr, 1997.

First demonstrate the proper technique, and then let your children tend their garden in their own way.

"Keep ALL garden fertilizers and pesticides out of children's reach (including Miracle-Gro). . .[Place] skull and crossbones stickers on the packages . . . as a further warning." Gray, p. 128.

Teach your children the importance of watering and weeding-- "a necessary and enjoyable part of the experience." Ibid.