Marital Self Evaluation - Take Your marital pulse

Marital Self Evaluation

This exercise is designed to help you take your “marital pulse.” Is your marriage in great shape, in need of a conditioning program, or in need of a respirator? To find out, follow these simple steps.

Step 1: Complete the following questionnaire by circling the number on each continuum that best represents how you feel about your marriage. Do this without assistance from your spouse. This is your opinion about your relationship. [The accompanying questions are for clarification and later discussion.]

Taking the pulse of your marriage

1. How close do you feel to your spouse?
[Is this a consistent feeling? Have you ever felt closer or more distant? What has happened to change things?]

Very distant	Very close

2. How much time and energy are you and your spouse directly investing into your marriage?
[Who or what gets more of your time and energy? Who or what gets more of your spouses?]

Very little	Very distant

3. What is the quality level of the time you do spend together?
[Are these intimate times of sharing and caring? Or are these only recreational and social experiences? Have you “lost touch?”]

Low Quality	High Quality

4. Do you have intimate conversation?
[Do you talk about what is going on inside of you (feelings, desires, concerns)? Or do you only talk about superficial matters (other people, problems, family schedules, etc.)?

Superficial	Non-superficial

5. To what extent do you really feel cared for in your marriage?
[How is caring demonstrated? How is caring not demonstrated? What do you want/need in this relationship?]

Not cared for	Greatly cared for

Scale:	40-50 Great shape
Total points ________	20-39 Needs conditioning program
	0-19 Needs respirator

Step 2: Exchange your questionnaires. Are your spouses’ answers what you anticipated?

Step 3: Beginning with Question #1, discuss your responses with your spouse. Use the following questions as a guide:

How much difference/similarity is there in how we perceive our relationship?
Are we satisfied with the results or do we want things to be different?
What can we do to improve the areas that need work? Do we need a plan?

There are many resources available for enhancing marriage, regardless of the current shape. Some are listed on the resources page on LoveTakesTime.com.

The Love Takes Time Seminar - Experience a romantic weekend of passion, intimacy and commitment at The Inn at Eagle Crest Resort. February 14-16, 2003. For information call 503-654-6054, or email Harvey & Kathy Corwin.