Family Troubles

Having grown up on a farm I have noticed a striking similarity between the behavior of some farm animals and human beings.

Have you ever observed a flock of chickens where two will become combative? Once the weaker chicken has been pecked to the ground the other bystanders will join the victor in pecking the other to death. Unless, of course, there is someone close by to rescue the downed victim.

Unfortunately we, as humans aren't much more sophisticated than that. If we are struggling as a family, we will have a tendency to pick on one of our own. It won't have any age or gender barriers either. Sometimes we will start by teasing or picking on what we observe to be a flaw in another person. Take, for example, a young girl who is a bit overweight. Maybe this family is experiencing financial problems. They might start by complaining that the child is eating too much or has an addiction to chocolate or something related to cost. In the meantime those same parents are feeding their own varied addictions.

The teasing and taunting usually gets worse as the parents observe the child's whipped attitude. Next comes the child's desire to control something - anything - in her life so she begins to practice starving or purging (Anorexia or Bulimia). From there, the child turns to anyone outside the home that will accept her for "just who she is". She looks for affection, for acceptance and a feeling of belonging. Finally, this young lady has serious behavioral and health problems.

Unwittingly, the parents - and even the siblings then focus all their attention on the rebellious young lady and blame her for all the woes that have come on the family.

This pecking can happen to a parent as well. This is where the children and one parent target the other parent as the source of the problem and can psychologically beat the adult into a feeling of worthlessness and depression.

Just as the pecked chicken will die if not rescued, a family who is focusing their attention on one of their own, often needs outside help to recover from their destructive direction. Occasionally this may mean the young person might need a respite outside of the home in order to reshape family dynamics into a positive pattern.

Timely and effective outside help can change the climate in a home, rescue families from self- destruction and, even prevent divorces in some instances. Once destructive patterns set in, families owe it to themselves to seek assistance in re-establishing one of the most important institutions God has created... The family.

New from Tom Sanford,
If Parenting is a Three-Ring Circus, How Come I'm Not the Ringmaster?

A MUST READ, filled with wisdom, creative discipline and entertaining anecdotes, as well as the principles that have made Project PATCH so successful. Obtain a copy for a donation of $15 or more sent to:

Project PATCH (Planned Assistance for Troubled CHildren)

www.projectpatch.org
13455 SE 97th Avenue, Clackamas, OR 97015-9798
(503) 653-8086 (503) 653-8265 fax
patch@projectpatch.org e-mail

Book also available at your nearest Northwest ABC.
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Project PATCH began in January 1984 as a foster home referral program, the dream of Tom and Bonnie Sanford. Since the Project PATCH Ranch began operations in 1990 it has been providing therapeutic programs for youth-at-risk.

For more information use the contact links listed above, or click on the following link to download a brochure in Adobe Acrobat PDF format. (1 megabyte file) Project PATCH Parent Brochure.pdf (Free Acrobat Reader software required - click on this link if you don't have Acrobat)